I want to exile myself.

I'm doing very bad in school now. In fact I just made a D in my Geology class. I'm not sad actually, I guess I'm used to it now. I tried so hard, seriously. Since the start of semester, I didn't get much sleep. I devoted most of my times to study, and I can't believe I end up like this. Maybe I just need to try harder. No Tipsy Tuesday today, because Matt and George are busy.

1King 19:7

" The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God."

In this passage, Elija was very depress because of Jezebel. Elija run away from his life and asked God to take aways his life. Instead, God comforted him and gave him some foods. Strange things happen in the mountain. A great winds tore mountain apart, and then earthquake, and then fires takes place in the wild. Finally, a gentle whisper saying "What are you doing here, Elija?"

I want to exile myself into the unknown! I want an adventure!

I'm not saying I want to be like Elija, to run away from his life. It just that my heart longing for freedom, and release. I want a transformation, and just get away from school. I don't know if King 19 explain my feeling right now, but that's all I can think of.

I always wondering where might God present. The general answer should be that God is everywhere, at the same time he is not of this world. But when you look into the bible, you'll find that God most likely to appear in somewhere like wildness. Moses too spend 40 days and 40 nights in wildness with God. John the baptist too, he start his ministry in the middle of the desert.

This pass summer break, I went to NWP summer project with Campus Crusade for Christ. It was so awesome. I was astonished by the beauty of God's creation. Temagami Lake in North Bay Canada is so beautiful, and so quiet. I had a close contact with God's glory, and it was awesome. But it's not enough, I guess I'll never have enough of God.

I feel like I'm stuck here!! I want to live free, and not bound to anythings. There are just too much responsibility, and duty need to fulfill. As a student, my duty is to study and do well in school. As an oldest son in the family, my responsibility is to take care of my parent when I get older. If I become a citizen of United States in the future, my duty is to pay taxes. Maybe I get marry one day, my responsibility is commit to my wife. As an Christian, my responsibility is to tithe to my church. I think I sound like I'm trying to escape of my life now. Of course, those things above are very important and very basics. As a man, we need to think how can we contribute to the country, to the family, and even to the church. Therefore I'm not trying to escape from those things.

Maybe that's why later on, God keep asking "What are you doing here, Elija" Though Elija spend 40 days in the wildness, but God reminded him of his mission. Elija's mission is to destroy the Baal worship in Israel. Maybe all of us need to get away, but ultimately there is a mission need to fulfill. Our mission, is to share the Gospel until the coming of Jesus Christ.

Maybe movie do a better explanation job than I do.

or like the movie Benjamin Button, where Benjamin wrote a letter to his daughter.

I don't know... these two clips sort of inspire me to uh..... exile myself haha