Confusion with sexuality

Yesterday, I went to see the game for the first time this semester. I got lucky, because Matt's parent have an extra ticket. His parent is awesome, and Mrs. Warnick is funny. Anyway, we beat Marshall with 37:10. It's a pretty chill game.

I want to shared my favorite passage, Genesis 19.

Basically God decide to destroy two cities, Sodom and Gomorrah. When Abraham heard this, he went to negotiate with God. If God can find 10 righteous men in the Sodom, then he won't destroy it. God send two angels down, and there they find a man named Lot. So they spends a night in Lot's house, because it is not safe to be around out there in the city. When the night came, every Sodomite surrounded Lot's house. These Sodomites wants to rape's Lot's guest. Lot offers a deal to exchange his daughters for the safety of his guests. But they refuse the offer, and they going to break into Lot's house. Then the angels come out and struck the Sodomites with blindness. So Lot's family flee from the city, because God is going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.

There are tons of sin in Sodom and Gomorrah. But a particular sin that is mentioned in Genesis 19 is homosexuality.

Levitcus 18:22 "You shall not lie with a male as with a women."

1 Corinthians 6:9 "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites.

Yes, I'm struggle with homosexuality. Does that mean I'm out of the closet now? haha

No, I'm not gay. Still, I'm struggling with lust.

1 John 2:16 "For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world.

Through scriptures I clearly understand that homosexual is sin, and therefore I will never ever walk down that path. But I lust after the Sodomites, and the homosexuals.

Lust cause a huge problem between my relationship with God. I can not trust God fully, because I am confused with my sexuality. Matt keeps telling me that, "Just trust God that he will provide an awesome women for Chiao" How can I trust God that he provide, when I don't even know what I want? I met a cute Asian girl recently, and I'm scare to makes a move. I really want to get to know her, and I'm interested in her. But I don't know do I like her or not.

I think I'll rather be single, because I can not provides happiness to my future girlfriend. But I want a companion to walk through my life, together. Couple years later, I'll be graduated. My best friend Matt is going to graduate next year. George is in Greenville now, but who knows what? What I'm trying to say is that friends don't last!

I want a relationship, I hate to be alone. This sucks...