At this moment, I want to talk about my relationship with my parent.
Luke 14:26
If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
Ephesians 6:1-2 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother", which is the first commandment with promise: "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."
This two bible verse seem to contrary to each other. How can you hate your parent, and honoring them at the same time? The meaning behinds Luke 14:26 is not actually hatred, but of God's love. Luke 14:26 is a descriptive verse about how much God love us. If you realize how much God stores for you, then you'll know that nothing in this world can compete with God's love. In respond to such love, you will obey and honors your parent. Due to the fact that God first love us, therefore we were able to love others. In the process of becoming like God we must love others just like how God loves us.
Indeed, I loves my parent. But I don't honor my parent. In fact, I always felt deep guilts toward my parent. Due to my inability to become independent. At the same time I felt my parent don't understand me at all. There is a huge gap between me and my parent.
Since I was little in elementary school, my Dad rarely come back home. My Dad is always busy, because he is the team captain of the city polices. I always afraid to talk to him, because he is the authority figure in the house. So if there is anythings I go to my Mom first.
When I was 12 my parent decided to send me to America to lives with my Aunt, so I can get education there. My first 4 years in America was miserable, because I live in a living room with my three other cousin for 4 years. Without any privacy in the living room, I often isolated myself. That is also the reason why I got sucks into playing online video game. I can play games like world of warcraft, or war of hammers for more than 12 hours a day. The living room is also connected to kitchens, so all of our cloths smells like Chinese foods. Until I went to college, I stuck through my teenager years alone.
I suffer without a father figure, and my response to that is to be passive. But there is still times where I have to decide for my self like which college to attends, and major declaration. When I needed my parent the most, they didn't shows up but only the financial support. Like when I need my Dad's help to clear my sexuality confusion. When I have in-grown-toe-nails for year, and my toes bleeding for year. when I runaway from my aunt's house, and thought about killing myself. I can't explain how much I suffers in the years of when I grow up without my parent there for me.
2 years ago, I met God. Through scripture and Campus Crusade, I was able to build my identity in Christ. And then this past summer, I told them about this identity. They accepted this new identity of Chiao. But for some reason I felt even more distant from my family than before. I wish that Jesus Christ would make a impact in my family.
I just called home. As always my Dad continue to persuade me to go to China. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHINA!! Since the day I came to America, I always felt this baggage of responsibility. My mission in America is to success. Suddenly the success in my Dad view is now becomes "to go to China". Why can't I have my own life?? Why can I just get rid of this baggage? Can someone own my life just because he funded my life? I owes my parent too much, but why can I honor them in my own way?
When I look at Luke 14:26, and Ephesian 6:1. I got so confuse!! How can I apply these two passage to my own life? Why is these two verses suddenly contrary to each other when put into application? How can I fill the gap between me and my parent? Is God calling to go to China?
At this point, I gave up communicating with my Dad. My Dad determination in my life left no space for my own choice. Maybe I should be appreciate the fact that I get to keep my faith in Jesus Christ...... sigh!!
Hi! I just wanted to say your story is amazing and God is doing amazing work in your life!
ReplyDeleteLuke 14:26 should be taken into context with what was going on at the time I believe. People were following Jesus because of his miracles and his teachings yet they were also following him because it was easy. Jesus stated (V.26) not because you are suppose to HATE your family (you are suppose to love everyone) but that you are suppose to LOVE God and Jesus so much more than your family that you would leave them for what God calls you to do.
Looking at your story you are doing just that. You still love your family but you are seeking God and His plan for your life! You are an amazing example for those who are torn by family values and God. Thank you!
I can't believe I missed this post Chiao! Dani's so right. You really are setting an example. =) I came to the US too, against my own will, I didn't really have a choice, so it didn't really matter what I though. I had to come because my parents were paying for all of us to come here. My parents had to put in extra effort for me, because once I turned 21, it would be harder for them to bring me to the US. So they had to bring me here before I turned 21. They were able to get everything done long before that and I came here two days after I turned 20. But now that I'm here, I'm learning a lot of things and my parents want to protect me from the very culture they wanted me to be branded by. I don't regret anything that has happened in my life until now, but like you said, it is very confusing when we think of how to honor God and our parents. Thanks for sharing about your struggles Chiao. Looking forward to reading more of your posts. Keep loving God the way you do.
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